Marriage and Children

   The joys of marriage is the goal of all of us. We all hope and dream of finding “the one” to spend our lives with. How do we get there? Throughout the past few weeks we have covered the four steps of a relationship. The four steps are: Dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. In my last post I talked about the joy of dating. Now I’d love to touch on the other three.

   

   Courtship is a very old term. This is the period of time when a couple is dating to see if they are ready for marriage. During this time they learn more about each other on a deeper level. The engagement period is when the couple have made commitments to each other before marriage. It is important to know and remember the couple have made individual commitments as well as a joint commitment.

  

   The engagement period is a very special time because it allows the a couple a chance to grow closer together as they plan the wedding. This also a time to make decisions together and see how well the couple is able to do so. It is also great practice for making future decisions. While it is great to have family be part of the wedding they should not necessarily be part of the planning. As I have already mentioned during the engagement is a great time to practice making decisions together. Families need to remember that it is the couple’s wedding. The couple can turn to the family every once in a while if they absolutely need to. When a couple plans things together it creates an inter dependency between the spouses, making their bond stronger as the planning and marriage progress.

   

  The average wedding now costs $32,000. This is astonishing to me. Research has shown couples who spend more on the engagement ring and the wedding itself are more likely to get a divorce than those who spend less. The wedding day is the happiest day for girls. The happiest day however, should not cost an arm and a leg. It is completely possible to have just as special a day for a whole lot less. Why are couples who spend more on a ring and wedding more likely to get a divorce? The amount of money spent creates expectations throughout the rest of the marriage, when those expectations aren’t met the marriage can begin to wobble.

   

   We are counseled in the scriptures to leave mother and father and cleave unto our spouses. Marriage is a wonderful time in life. It is the time to grow together and start our own families. Children are blessing given to us by the Lord. It is the duty and privilege for parents to raise children. They are to raise them in love and righteousness, to do the best they can.

  

   Children are, and can be a hand full. When a couple has their first child the marriage roles shift.  Husband and wife are now also mother and father. The dynamic of their lives changes too. A mother work is now increased to sixty hours because of that child. Taking care of a baby is extremely tiring, but rewarding. I’ve only taken care of my niece and nephew for a few hours and was tired from entertaining them. I have so much admiration and respect for my sister in-law who does it every day. While a new baby, and children in general are time consuming it is important for the parents to make time for themselves. New husbands seem to take longer to adjust because the mother’s attention has shifted. The birth of the first child sees a decrease in marital satisfaction. This trend continues as more children come. How can this be helped so satisfaction doesn’t decrease? Spouses should set a time for themselves to reconnect with each other. Maintaining a happy, loving marriage is the most important thing a husband and wife can do, together and with their children.