Parenting

   The semester is almost over. I can’t believe how fast it has gone. I guess it’s true what people say about time goes by faster the older you get. I only have five more family classes before I move on to next semester. This week in class we talked about parenting. We specially talked about different types of parenting.

   

   We focused on the three types: Autocratic, Permissive, and active. An Autocratic parent is one who is very strict with their child. They have expect their child to obey them in everything, because they are the parent and they know best. These parents rule with an iron fist. A permissive parent is one who is too relaxed when it comes to parenting. They don’t have any rules and are often under the child’s control. The active parent is a healthy mix of both. They are active in their child’s life without controlling them, but have a fair amount of control so the child can feel safe in coming to them with any problems.

   

   Each of these parenting styles do have their own challenges. When a child is too autocratic, controlling and strict their child is more likely to rebel and act out to feel a sense of freedom from mom and dad’s rules. When a parent is too permissive the child is likely to take life threatening risks because they feel their parents don’t care enough about them to stop them. They adopt the attitude of “my parents let me do whatever I want because they are cool with anything.” This can and will get the child in trouble when they are younger and as they grow into teenagers and young adults. Active parenting is the one of the best styles of parenting. It combines the strict with the freedom. The challenge comes when trying to balance the two.

   

   In class we talked about the problem solving model. When your child misbehaves or does not follow a rule you can apply the model. The first question you ask yourself is whose problem is it, the child or parent. An example used is when you, the parent let your child borrow the car and they return it with no gas. Whose problem is it? Ask yourself who is it hurting? In this case it would be you the parent. Once that is identified, make a polite request to your child to fill up the tank next time they use it, remember tone of voice is everything. If the problem continues use what is called an “I” message saying “I don’t appreciate when you don’t fill up the tank after using the car.” The next step is to use a firmer tone of voice. If these first three steps don’t help move to logical consequences.

   

   When trying to come up with logical consequences talk about what would be an appropriate consequence with your child, so they can think about it and come up with their own ideas. Talk about the consequences beforehand. Help your child make choices together. These choices are called if/then, when/then. These options can be used with the car example. “If you don’t fill up the car then no car for three days. One way to use the when/then example is when you do then this will happen.  Logically connect the consequence to the action. Remember to be firm and fair with the consequence you and your child agreed on. It is equally important to follow through with the consequence you and your child agreed on. The last step is to give your child a second chance, after all they are who they are and will make mistakes. As long as they truly learn from them, a second chance is always an option.

   

   The last thing we talked about is the responsibility of the parents to meet the child’s needs.  Besides the basic needs, an extremely important need for children is the need of contact.  When a child has contact with their parents they develop a sense of belonging, and a sense of knowing they are wanted. There a different kinds of human contact, a simple touch, looking them in the eye, or hug. We all have the need and want to belong. When we belong to something or feel wanted it gives us power. We have power over ourselves because we know who we are. Once we know who we are we can make decisions that will make us happy and those around us happy.