My last blog of the
semester! I can’t believe it, the end of the semester is here. It’s been a
long, challenging semester. Everything is finally coming together in all my
classes, unfortunately they are all coming together all at once, which can be a
good and bad thing. I’m glad everything has come together though. Everything
has also come together in my family class, which brings me to the topic we’ve
discussed for the last two days.
In class we
discussed, marriage, divorce, remarriage, and the different types of families
that can come out of those situations. I’ve decided to focus on the lighter
side of all of this. My focus is on the love these families have for each
other, and the love parents have for each other as well. The different types of
families we discussed were: step families, adopted/foster families, half
sibling, and blended families. All of these family dynamics are unique in their
own way, and they all come with their own set of challenges. However, each share
commonalities too. Research has shown some ways to make these family
transitions easier is to one, understand that it takes a minimum of two years
for the new families to reach a sense of normalcy. Two, all the heavy
discipline should be handled by the birth parent. Third, step parents should be
the equivalent of a great aunt or uncle. Finally, spouses should never
undermine each other’s authority.
The family is the
most important unit in society. Children get comfortable in the family they
have, sadly when the family changes due to circumstances they can’t control
things change. When a step parent, or caregiver who is not the normal person in
charge comes into a child’s life, challenges will happen. It is important to
remember not to get discouraged because things are not working out as quickly
as you two (the parents) would like. Children, and teens need time to process
what has happened in their life, and will take up to two years to reach a sense
of normalcy.
Parents have the responsibly
to love each other first, before their children. What this means is parents
should build a connection between themselves before they build one with their
kids. If parents build their whole lives around their kids, what is going to
happen when those kids move out? Parents need to have time to themselves to
connect and rely on each other. There is great symbolism in the marriage
ceremony. The father is giving his daughter away to her new spouse saying “I’m
giving my daughter away to you. Now you two will be dependent on each other.”
In the Bible in Genesis we read “therefore shall a man leave his mother and
father and cleave unto his wife.” This means that from the moment two people
are married they rely and depend on each other more than anyone else.
When we are young we
depend on our parents. As kids grow up into young adults they start to become
independent. When we get married we become interdependent with our spouse. What
does being interdependent mean? It means trusting and leaning on each other. We
all have to leave our parents eventually.
We also talked about outside
sources, how they can break a marriage. When there are problems in the marriage
we all want to talk to someone about it. While talking about what’s going on is
not necessarily a bad thing it can break a marriage. An example of this is when a women complains
to the survey asked her girlfriends or mother about her husband. When a woman
goes and talks to them about her issues instead of her husband it causes strain,
and contention among the two until the couple becomes divorced emotional from
the marriage or physically. A survey asked a handful of women how many supports
do they have in their life? How many do they go to for everything? The answer? Five.
When the survey asked the men the same question their answer: One, their wives.
Parents unto your spouses, become interdependent on each other. Trust each
other. Love each other first and then your children. Your kids will always love
you, but they won’t be in the house forever. What will you do then?
